For the past 22 years, I have grown up with a mother and sister who go crazy at the idea of meeting a “celebrity.” I use that word loosely because an extra from an episode of “Good Times” would count. (“You met a guy who might know John Amos? WHAT?!”) So rather than joining in with the star-struck masses I so adamantly detest, I will instead criticize a few guys whose celebrity status has handed them a few too many free passes as of late.

A Lil Get Out of Jail Free Card

It is beyond ridiculous what celebrities are able to get away with nowadays. Besides the more heinous crimes such as murder (ahem, O.J. Simpson) and arson (see James, LeBron, “Jump Shot”), there are the pettier things like being a complete jerk-off without losing the ravenous adoration of the same fans you regularly shun.

But when the court system (or lack thereof) really wants to showcase how important celebrities are compared to the rest of us, they simply come up with illogical reasons to not convict them.

Lil Wayne, who was supposed to go to jail what seems like 38 years ago, recently had his impending incarceration further postponed because of a courthouse fire. Seriously?

First of all, how are the courthouse and the jail connected? Second, if this fire really did destroy that all-important courthouse (which I doubt, given that officials think it’ll be fixed by Monday), then why not send Lil Wayne to another jail? In a state with one of the highest murder rates, I’m pretty sure there’s a place to continue on with the jail time.

Oh, wait, but then he couldn’t release more hits like “Lollipop.” Heaven forbid. Just shoot me already. It shouldn’t be too hard for a man with a gun charge.

Selling Out in the Blogosphere

I’m just going to come out and say it: Perez Hilton is the bane of my existence. I like the idea behind what he does, and I try to do it regularly myself. Basically, Perez compiles stupid Hollywood gossip and then writes dumb and sometimes downright hateful comments about celebs, many of whom he has come to know personally. The only difference, in fact, between his blog and this lovely column is its comment section (and the fame).

The big problem, though, is that he too has become one of them: An oversized ego with a blog. He isn’t a journalist, and he certainly isn’t objective. Nor does he really dislike the people he hates on. Sell out.

Perez is biased, but he has to be biased if he wants to continue to hang out with people like Paris Hilton. And who wouldn’t want to do that? I hear bathroom-stall coke parties really are everything they’re cracked up to be.

But do people honestly find those asinine Photoshop comments clever? A 4-year-old kid with his finger up his nose could come up with something more entertaining.

It’s just not enough to be a good writer — or even a funny one — nowadays. All you need to do is pick on people more famous than yourself, and then you’ll get read. Just writing this celebrity-bashing column will make more people read me than usual. What a shame.

— Contact Julian Snow.